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February 18th, 2005
07:57 pm
 the sad teen. Everything in life is f*ckin' miserable. You constantly look over your shoulder and wonder who is judging you...even when you are alone. So naturally, you have become a little paranoid and pessamistic. Your personality can be one demensional but confusing. You are constantly bored with life and wish that something could spice it up. You have a unique view on life and have identified the problems with school society (Ex...what makes popular people, how the student mind works...) You would rather be alone because you hate being hurt. You tend to think that no one understands you, not even your parents / guardians / friends. But that is just the opposite! The people who love you want to help, but they don't know how because they have a feeling that they will say something wrong and turn you away. You have to let them know that you are willing to hear what they have to say...and it might do some good to listen to them. Some fields you might consider going in when you are older...Judge, author, songwriter, producer, therapist, psychologist, philosopher, or forensic scientist. You need a job where you can express yourself and your views on life. Or you need a field where you can judge others and predict what is going on in others life. Either way... you have the personality to get you a good job that will support you throughout life.
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February 7th, 2005
08:09 pm "The sun is going down as the world falls apart. Rays of red and gold bath the blood-stained soil, Blues and purples blanket the soot of bombs, Black hides the needs of thousands of people.
The moon rises and sets on the eve of destruction. Pale shades of silver accent the tears of pain, Yellow reflects the fear of the world, Black colors the courage of us all.
The sun rises on the day of dissolution. Pink laughs in the face of the dead emotions, Orange mimics the face of those deceived, Red soaks the very land we are buried in."
-Eve And Day (?) By Marie Richards
Dunno what to actually call it yet. Sorry. Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Look What You've Done- Jet/Numb-Encore- Linkin Park
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February 5th, 2005
07:06 pm "Time and again I hear your voice, Time and again I have the choice, To sit and dream of you and I, To remember; don't have to try.
Once in a while, feel deep sorrow, Knowing I won't see you next tomorrow. Once in a while, take a deep breath. I didn't know I had such wealth."
- Combien-De-Fois by Sheila Donovan
Sorry. Had to add it. Kinda fits. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Give It Away- Red Hot Chili Peppers
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February 2nd, 2005
06:55 pm Heya everybody. I won't be on for a while for I am losing inspiration and need to take a break. See you all whenever.
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January 19th, 2005
08:52 pm - Ignorance "No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes And no one knows What it's like to be hated To be fated to telling only lies
[Chorus:] But my dreams they aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free
No one knows what its like To feel these feelings Like i do, and i blame you! No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through
[Chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4] No one knows what its like To be mistreated, to be defeated Behind blue eyes No one knows how to say That they're sorry and don't worry I'm not telling lies
[Chorus]
No one knows what its like To be the bad man, to be the sad man Behind blue eyes."
-Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Buscuit
I am gonna kill him. He keeps popping up telling me about stuff I do not care to know about, and then has the nerve to say that I am stalking Ugo. WTF! I don't even hang out or hardly talk to ugo anymore. If staying single is stalking, then I am sorry but I am going to stay single whether tony and ugo like it or not.
Yeah.
Obviously tony is pissing me off. This is most recent comments to me.
your_band_sucks2003 (2:58:36 PM): school skipper freshman_girl2003 (4:05:56 PM): do you honestly think Aunt Alice would let me skip and nothte other two? your_band_sucks2003 (4:06:53 PM): maybe freshman_girl2003 (4:07:18 PM): then you are dense your_band_sucks2003 (4:07:46 PM): you're a stalker freshman_girl2003 (4:07:56 PM): how your_band_sucks2003 (4:08:22 PM): you're obsessed with ugo and won't leave him alone freshman_girl2003 (4:09:02 PM): wtf freshman_girl2003 (4:09:11 PM): you know what, tony? freshman_girl2003 (4:09:16 PM): I HARDLY EVER TALK TO HIM your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:17 PM): blow me freshman_girl2003 (4:09:19 PM): go to hell your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:24 PM): i'm playing a game your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:29 PM): leave me alone freshman_girl2003 (4:09:30 PM): I do not see him freshman_girl2003 (4:10:11 PM): I can't even invite him, as well as some other assholes over to watch soem god damn ovies? That fucking sucks, because I ddin't even mean it in that manner freshman_girl2003 (4:10:53 PM): get over yourself, fuck off, and leave me the fuck alone, because I don't want to have anything to do with your sorry ass. You are so shallow. And if Ugo has a problem tell him to tell it to my fucking face. your_band_sucks2003 (4:11:27 PM): marie you retarded fucking cunt you keep talknig to me
his last post is a fucking lie, because I have had him on Iggy for the past week and a half, and he somehow managed to get back on my god damn friends' list. Urgh.
Oh well. I will ignore him some more. Maybe he will get teh hint eventually.
I am giving people a ride to an dfrom the bowling practice tomorrow. Yay. Not. More people. Ugo is amung them. Oh yay. Then there is Charlie Poissonier, Mark ANdrews, and Mark Schobel. Wee. Charlie is cool, but Mark is the one influencing bud to not talk to me anymore.- Not really. Just the things Mark said to me when me and BUd (ugo) were dating make me lean to that conclusion.
Oh well. I am gonna go.
By the way, those lyrics go to one of my all-time favorite songs. Thought I would be nice enough to share that. Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Numb by Linkin Park
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January 18th, 2005
09:32 pm "It's too bad, It's stupid Too late, so wrong, so long It's too bad that we had no time to rewind Let's walk, let's talk Let's talk
You left without saying goodbye Although I'm sure you tried You call the house from time to time To make sure we're alive But you weren't there Right when I'm needed you the most And now I dream about it How it's so bad, it's so bad"
-Too Bad by Nickelback
This is a good song. Before I moved in with my father, I used to hate him, and whenever this song came on I would blare it. I used to hate him so much. Now I do not. But I am not that attached to him either. Hmm. It is that way with everybody I know, I guess.
Tony isn't taking the hint. He keeps popping up, talking to me. I will post what he has said tonight on the internet.
your_band_sucks2003 (9:01:59 PM): i'm making music freshman_girl2003 (9:02:11 PM): yea yea good 4 u your_band_sucks2003 (9:03:04 PM): yup your_band_sucks2003 (9:03:16 PM): you seem grumpy? freshman_girl2003 (9:04:41 PM): . . . your_band_sucks2003 (9:05:01 PM): are you? freshman_girl2003 (9:05:39 PM): hmm, I haven't really held a conversation with you since last tuesday, I don't call you, and you have been on ignore all this time freshman_girl2003 (9:05:44 PM): what do you think your_band_sucks2003 (9:06:56 PM): anh ok whatever floats your boat your_band_sucks2003 (9:10:25 PM): want to see my song? freshman_girl2003 (9:10:30 PM): . . . your_band_sucks2003 (9:11:15 PM): it isn't lyrics it's tabs freshman_girl2003 (9:11:30 PM): whatever tony your_band_sucks2003 (9:14:20 PM): pretty snazy huh? freshman_girl2003 (9:14:39 PM): ok cool whatever your_band_sucks2003 (9:16:10 PM): ok
I dunno if he just can't recognise the unsubtle hints I gave him, or if he chooses to ignore my hints, but it is agitating. Oh well. Hopefully soon he will take the hint and leave me alone. Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Too Bad by Nickelback
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January 16th, 2005
07:41 pm - . . .duh . . . I am bored. Man, everybody is busy tomorrow. Ugo is going to the beach with his family, Abe is at his dad's, and Ben has a family get-together. So I am here all by myself- well, besides my relatives- my two younger cousins, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandfather. Wee. There is nothing to do. No new movies to watch, and no old ones that interest me that I have not seen over and over again, time after time. ::sigh::
I designed another animated picture. This one is of Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland. I want to go see that movie so much! :(( Oh well. I will buy it when it comes out if I have a job. I love Johnny Depp's acting, and him. Lol. And the movies. :D. Current Mood: disappointed
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01:38 pm Hey, I have mastered the art of animation! Lol. Well, I am getting there anyway. I was tired of the same old same, and so I found these pictures, and figured out how to animate, and Voila! Instant pics animated. Lol.
I love Johnny Depp. I wouldn't be surprised if I made a web page out of all the pics I have designed, and you find alot of Johnny Depp pictures. I love his acting, and his very long and wild hair in Pirates of the Caribbean. He is SO dreamy. Lol. But I have a plan to collect all the movies starring him in it.
I am out to get a job in the really near future. I need to get a job in order to get my license, because I need my license before I go to college, because I want ot go out of state, and I do not want anybody to drive me down. Plus, I need a job to pay for insurance, and gas, and to save up for college and the Europe Trip Mr. Gram is going to have again in two years. So I am trying to get a job at Pinkham's- a corner grocery store at the end of my road.
Wish me luck. Current Mood: creative Current Music: Prine- Diamonds and Pearls
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January 11th, 2005
08:09 pm "I'm looking in the mirror at this woman down and out She's internally dying and knew this was not what love's about I don't want to be this woman the second time around 'Cause I'm waking up screaming No longer believing That I'm going to be around"
-Rain on Me by Ashanti
Okay, I think I am starting to feel better. I know what I want, and I know what I need to do to make myself feel happy. So I will tell you my evil master plan. Wha ha ha ha. Lol.
1.) Tony. This guy used to be my friend, but nowadays I cannot stand him. I dunno if it is me or him (probably me) but he makes me feel minute. And I don't WANT to feel minute. So I will no longer talk or hang out with him, nor listen to him when he insults me, for i do that enough, I do not need to listen to him.
2.) I know what I want to do in the near future. I want to go to a college in Boston, Massachusettes, and I want take a double major, either in journalism or creative writing, and also in either French or Italian. I have always been in awe of the Italians, so I wish to learn about them and learn their language. But I also want to continue with my French when I get out of Mr. Gram's classes. So that is the next step- figuring out which of those four classes interest me the most. I know I want some kind of writing class, and I also know I want to take a foreign language, so those will be decided soon.
3.) I will stop concentrating on guys. I used to believe that I would wait and find some outragiously sweet romantic foreign guy with a lot of dark luxurious hair on his head and an enchanting voice. Maybe I need to wait a while and see what fate brings me. It is not like I need a guy to make my life complete. So I just need to bide my time.
Just concentrating on these three things have kept me happy for the day, so maybe it will work. Who knows? But it is better than moping around, for I know that there are a lot of people out there who have it worse in life than I do, and I need to be thankful for the things I have.
So yeah. That is my daily post.
Later Dayz. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Outshined by Soundgarden
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January 9th, 2005
06:46 pm Hello, I have just returned home from a day with my aunt, running errands. Not as bad as it seems, because it gets me out of the house and my aunt is awesome to talk to. We went to Waterville, and then to Augusta, where we went to *gasp* Barns and Nobles! Yay! My all time favorite store (even if I cannot spell the store's name properly).
Well, while I was at Barns and Nobles, I bought Wit'ch FIre, which I have been meaning to buy for a long time. Unfortunately, I cannot read it, for I am in the middle of Magic's Pawn by Mercedes Lackey, and then I am to read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Wee. Not that I do not love to read. It is my only ticket out of reality. So I will have plenty of reading that I wish to do- I will not be bored as long as I have books. Lol.
Later Dayz Current Mood: calm
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January 8th, 2005
04:44 pm I am gonna try something new. Adding humor to my site. That is a scary thought, for i have no sense of humor unless somebody else is telling the joke. But I will try. Maybe I will just tell a story about something funny. Yes, this is what I will do.
My little cousins, Charlie and Jess, were being taken to the Portland Mall or the Bangor Mall by my aunt. My aunt takes them to Toys R Us, and CHarlie sees this stuffed animal of Stitch (you know, the lil blue alien thing that can hardly speak english, so goes, "Ehgh, . . . Hiiiii." all the time? Yeah, that stitch). And the stuffed animal speaks when you push this button. So Charlie presses the button, and the stitch thing goes, "Ehgh, hiiii," or " I love you" or some shit like that. So my cousin Jess decides she wants one and pushes the button. It says, "Your evil". Whenever she pushes the button, it says this. So she doesn't want one anymore and runs off.
I nearly shit my pants laughing when my aunt told me the story.
So yeah, this is my little entry of humor. You will probably not find it funny, but if you heard it aloud, you would.
Peace out. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Will You by P.O.D.
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January 7th, 2005
09:31 pm "Darker days seem to be What will always live in me But still I run It’s hard to walk this path alone Hard to know which way to go Will I ever save this day Will it ever change"
-"Open Your Eyes" by Alter Bridge
Yeah yeah it has been a while since I have updated this journal of mine. I have had a lot on my mind. Or I haven't, for I have had my nose stuck in a book for a while now, and when I read, I forget to think. Which is good, for when I think, it is only negative thoughts all about on ething. And I would rather not think of that anymore. So I welcome the books.
Right now I am reading Magic's Pawn by Mercedes Lackey. It is a really good book, once you get into it a little farther than the first chapter. Lackey is a really good writer. The main character, Vanyel, is hated at home, and refuses to attend his swordsmen lessons, so is shipped off to his aunt, who teaches those who have magic, and he is to learn what he didn't want to learn at home, but enjoys it here, for the teachers recognize his needs. And he meets his aunt's students, one whom happens to be a homosexual. After meeting 'Lendel ( the homosexual), Vanyel realizes that he is homosexual also, and they end up getting togehter. That is an outline. You really have to read it in order to get hte meat of the story out of it.
Ok, so I get to spend another boring weekend at home. I guess I was right- my friends were my ex's friends, and now they give me the cold shoulder. And my friends from Central weren't my friends in the first place, for they insult me now. Wee, how fun. Sometimes I envy those who have really close friends. You know, friends they have gone to school with their entire life. I have never had that. My best friend from Kingfield, Stephanie- oh geesh, I haven't heard from her since I was 7. And I am 16 now. So 9 years. Yeah. And that was my mother's fault, for her parents didn't want their daughter around an arson's daughter. . . She was the only one that liked me past the diabetes,a nd POOF! She is gone. So for all of you guys who take for granted having friends, suck it up and appreciate them.
So past this, . . . what is there to talk about? I guess nothing really. See you later. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Alter Bridge- Find the Real
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January 3rd, 2005
09:31 pm "run, desire, run this sexual being run him like a blade to & through the heart no conscience, one motive... to cater to the hollow. screaming feed me, fill me up again. temporarily pacify this hungering. so, grow, libido, throw dominoes of indiscretions down. falling all around in cycles/circles. constantly consuming. conquer and devour."
- The Hollow, by A Perfect Circle
Fucking damnit. Sorry. I thought I had gotten over this fear of her. Yes. My mother. But no. I haven't. I talked to one of her friends today. She has friends? That's unusual, for her personality. But anyway. I talked to one of her friends in Shop n' Save (excuse me, Hannaford) and she kept asking me why I moved out, where was I? When I explained to her that I moved out, and that I lived with my aunt, she kept asking why. So I told her. "My mother and I do not get along. And DHS said I could not live there. So they moved me up to my aunt's." - Which is not a lie. Me and my mother DON'T get along- mainly because she feels it is right to beat me so I have welts on my back, and break down my door, and force me to do things that she wants me to do instead of me doing something equally good for me, just not what she wants(AKA she wanted me to continue karate, and I wanted to start a job working with horses, so I could continue my horse back riding lessons). She set the police on me the day I ran away. Called me a lying little bitch in front of tons of people in a court room. She lied to me about leaving the state for good, and came back one day when I was at school, and starts to boss me around. She didn't even have custody of me. Then she tells her friends nothing of what happened, just that she's "strict but honestly a nice person".
Sorry, but my mother scares me. I cannot go back there, and if I ever have to, I will run. I feel badly for thrusting my problems on my relatives, but I really didn't have a choice- DHS placed me here- until I graduate high school anyway. Then I will not interfere with them. My mom is abusive and bipolar. I know I am not the best person to judge her, but I know her better than most people.
And what business is it of her friends what goes on between my mother and I? No, it isn't her business, and it makes my blood run cold when somebody tells me something they think they know better than I when they are blind. Scares teh shit out of me when people do that. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Dashboard Confessional- So Impossible
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December 31st, 2004
01:25 pm THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Skippy 2. Maria 3. Marie
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: 1. Rheah 2. Raine 3. Andree
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. creativity 2. intelligence 3. determination
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Dishonesty 2. Stubbornness 3. Disrespectful towards self
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: 1. French 2. German 3. Indian
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. Being alone 2. Close spaces/loud noises/big crowds 3. Being a nobody
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. Internet. 2. Music 3. Books
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: 1. Fussy black slippers 2. Old blue jeans 3. Light pink long sleeve shirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR ARTISTS: 1. Bon Jovi 2. Goo Goo Dolls 3. Green Day
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Breathing" by Lifehouse 2. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day 3. "Look What You've Done" by Jet
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: 1. PLaying a guitar 2. Acting 3. Lifting 180 pounds on bench press
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given): 1. Comfort 2. Understanding 3. Someone with a freaking brain
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: 1. I live with my aunt 2. I love rap music 3. I am single
THREE THINGS THAT APPEAL TO YOU ABOUT A PERSON: 1. Humor 2. Intelligence 3. Listening skills
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO: 1. Diet 2. Be out in the cold 3. Math
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES: 1. PLaying musical instruments 2. Writing 3. Listening to music
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. Get a guitar 2. Go to a concert 3. Go shopping
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING: 1. Writer 2. Journalist 3. Singer
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: 1. London, England 2. Paris, France 3. Rome, Italy
THREE KIDS NAMES: 1. Tobey 2. Jackie 3. Anthony
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. Travel around the world 2. Get married 3. Write a book
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December 29th, 2004
10:46 pm Okay . . . I now hate colds. Not that I didn't before, but I cannot get the itchy feeling out of my head, nor the pressure that is around my nose and eyes. Feels like all I want to do is sleep, to escape the pain, but I don't want to sleep at the same time.
I hate online guys. Talk to them for five minutes, and the next time you talk to them, it's "DId you miss me any?" - No, I don't miss you any- I barely know you, you bastard. What the hell?! Are they that desperate that they need to hit on or develope a crush on an online girl who could be for all they know some 80 year old fat hag. Geesh.
So. How was your day, folks? Lol.
Jessie was sick today. Not that she was the only one, but she stayed in her room most of the time . . . wait- where is the difference? Lol. No, she truly was sick, and couldn't go to the movies with the rest of the gang. She had to miss out on National Treasure. Poor lass, she missed out on an awesome movie- I hope she feels better by tomorrow- nothing special happening, just thought it would be nice if she felt better. Yet she refuses to take pills for her sickness- good for her. Pills are the trap of the money and power hungry government- more power to her, if she can avoid pills.
I myself had just gotten over really high ketones- Diabetic stuff, folks. I felt like I was gonna throw up everywhere, and was having chill spells, and was dizzy, and urgh- it is just not a happy feeling. I lowered my blood sugar and ketone levels enough to be able to go to the movies, but just barely. Be thankful you all are healthy- or most of you. Beleve me, having diabetes is noooo fun.
So yeah. National Treasure was a hilarious movie, but it was also educational, and full of some kind of action. The main character gets the chick, the side kick of the main character provides the comic relief, the partner of the main character is a back stabbing, gold lusting bastard, and the leader of the FBI is secretly in league with the main character, though they need somebody to go to jail, and try to pin that job on the main character. Yeah. So if you do not manage to go to the theatres to see National Treasure, go out and rent it when it comes out on DVD or VHS- or better yet, buy it! Current Mood: crappy
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December 28th, 2004
07:51 pm Ok, after an hour and a half of playing with the set up of this site, I have concluded with . . . a piece of art? I think not. I will play with it more later. I am tired of looking at the site right now. Current Mood: blank Current Music: All American Rejects- the last song
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06:27 pm "I feel like I've lost everything when your gone Left remembering what its like To have you here with me"
- Matchbook Romance
Yay. Hmm. What to write that isn't about him. . . My nose is stuffy. My ear won't pop. My new class ring is *gasp* SHINY!! *Looks down at herself* Wow. I just noticed that this jacket is his . . . I should take it off . . . but it is just so WARMMMM! Hee Hee. So I will wear it. The white german shepherd is roasting my feet.
So there. Random stuff. Fun? I think not. Ah, but alas, that is what people are looking for. Me moving on. Leaving him alone. Finding myself. Finding some other poor lad to obsess over. If that is even the right word. Is it? To some, yes. To others, no. I should draw my own line. But what would fit the line that I draw, hmm? I have all these peoples' opinions spinning round my head- what is my own opinion? What do I see in myself, and my emotions, and my fears/worries?
I'll get back to you on that. Eventually. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Foo Fighters- The One
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05:47 pm Just to make it known- I so love kids. *coughnotcough* Current Mood: crappy
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December 27th, 2004
11:59 am A stranger, Somebody I don't know, Approached me, Spoke to me Out of curiousity, Made me feel Important Instead of irrelevant. In a matter of seconds Instead of running Away from me- He befriended me- Thanks. - By Bern
I made a new friend, and he is sweet. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Third Eye Blind- How's It Going to Be
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December 23rd, 2004
08:36 pm Here is a poem I wrote for a friend when he was having trouble gettin over his girlfriend. I hope you like it.
There's a time in our lives When we lose the one we love. They told us that it was over, Then they took off like a dove. We cry, we cry, we beg to the sky, Asking for them to return. But in the end, our heart's the cost- The sadness inside- it burns.
The second stage of the event Is where our friends come in. They hold us, and comfort us, Just like we were thier kin. We begin to understand them, That they will always be there. They are essential to our life- To us, they are like our air.
After a while, we begin to live again, We do the things we love to do. Our grief our love caused us died down, Our sad moments begin to be few. We go on with our wonderful lives, We begin to give love a second try. We understand we can be a person Without them- we don't ask why.
So please, get on with your life, Continue doing things you love. Be yourself, don't change your life For those who fly like doves. Remember who was there for you, Remember that they care. For when you're in another jam, We'll always be right there. Current Mood: cold Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls- Name (live)
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